


Any Other Way

by monroesherlock



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Secret Santa, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-16 04:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5813227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroesherlock/pseuds/monroesherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Eggsy try to bridge the growing gap between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Any Other Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kirkaut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirkaut/gifts).



Making Eggsy the new Merlin isn't even really a choice. Merlin steps up quietly and accepts his new role as the head of Kingsman with as little fanfare as possible -after all, there are still plenty of snakes to smoke out- though Roxy and Eggsy still take care to congratulate him on the prestigious promotion.

Somewhere in Kentucky, Harry Hart drags himself of a shallow grave long enough to flag down a passing car. Merlin sounds stoic on the phone but there’s a certain timbre to his voice that might just be relief ( _We thought you were gone, Harry. Just **gone**_.) They arrange an airlift as soon as he’s well enough to travel but he knows, he knows this is only the beginning of a very _very_ long road to recovery.

When they finally manage to get him back to headquarters, it's Eggsy who oversees his care though he doesn’t know it. ( _How's this my fucking job too?_ ) ( _Welcome to my fucking life._ ) ( _Can I at least get a name?_ ) ( _Until we’re sure he’s not going to die? No._ )

Harry Hart has always thought himself widely adaptable. He's seen Kingsmen come and go, been stuck in plenty of sticky situations in different places all over the world, but there's something about getting shot in the face that stops him in his tracks. They've got to take the eye, the doctors tell him. It can't be saved. ( _There’s just too much damage sir. I’m sorry._ ) It’s a blow he doesn’t quite know how to deal with yet but he supposes he doesn’t have a choice.

Meanwhile, two floors above the medical suite that isn’t supposed to exist, Eggsy trades in his new suit for his awful 90's wardrobe much to Merlin's horror and Roxy's chagrin. He can't stand looking in the mirror every morning and seeing Harry staring disappointedly back at him. He’d hand the glasses back if there were some other alternative but until then, he’ll have to settle for the way they awkwardly bump his snapback every time he puts them on. If he keeps on smiling, maybe he won’t see nearly as many ghosts.

He slides into Merlin’s old office like it was made for him, cracks his knuckles, and promises himself that _this time,_ he won’t fail. He gets assigned cases left and right and proves to be stingier with gadgets than Merlin would have imagined ( _we ain't made of money mate, watch yourself_ ). The older man is secretly proud.          

He knows that Harry would be too.

When Harry finds out that Merlin accepted the promotion to become Arthur, he breathes a sigh of relief. ( _Better you than me._ ) He’s just as pleased to find that Roxy will be staying on with them and that the recent disaster hasn’t left too much of bad taste in her mouth.

Nevertheless, when he inquires as to who will be filling Merlin’s old position, he finds himself stonewalled quickly and efficiently. (Y _ou know why we're doing this. We have to vet everyone for their involvement with Valentine. There have been too many traitors._ ) ( _He shot me in the face. Is that not enough of a vetting?_ )

          In the meantime, Eggsy excels as a handler under Merlin's expert tutelage. He's also a damn good trainer. He puts the new candidates through an even more rigorous selection process, weeds out weakness like a well trained bloodhound. None of his recruits will be turncoats.  ( _You made them do what?!)_ ( _You made me jump out of a fucking plane thinking I didn't have a parachute. You don't get to judge._ )

          When Merlin finally breaks the news, Eggsy takes it with a look of cool indifference. To be honest, he suspected something wasn’t quite right when they never had a traditional funerary service for Harry.

          The eyepatch is a surprise.

( _You’re alive._ ) Eggsy’s facade cracks once and only once. He lays out the mission specs with care. It’s a cakewalk really, something just to ease Harry back into the field instead of the deep sea plunge they all know he wants to take.

( _You’re still here_.) There’s so much Harry wants to say and none of it is about the mission. Why isn’t Eggsy in the field? Why did he stay with Kingsmen at all? ( _Have you forgiven me?_ )

Eggsy’s eyes betray nothing though his lips twitch for a split second. ( _After Valentine, I wanted to be close to me mum and Daisy. Can’t do that if I’m running around trying to get myself killed. The Agent thing wasn’t for me._ )

Lie. That’s a lie. Harry has read the report, has seen what Eggsy is capable of when he puts his mind to it. He’d excel wherever he decided to direct his talents and it kills Harry that he still doesn’t seem to know it.

( _Do I still embarrass you?)_  Eggsy doesn’t want to be Harry’s handler. He’s tells the new Arthur as much but Merlin just shoots him a deadpan glare.

( _It’s all hands on deck. There aren’t a lot of options and you’re the best thing for him right now. Walk him through it. If you can’t work together we’ll figure something out._ ) Eggsy swallows his pride and resolves to finish this mission with Harry as strong as he possibly can.

( _I can’t do this. I can’t be what you need me to be_.)

( _I would do anything to take back what I said._ )

Eggsy watches Harry schmooze his way through Prague until he finally gets his hands on the USB they’ve been looking for. ( _Still charming as ever, Galahad._ ) ( _No need to get cocky, Merlin._ )

He welcomes Harry back with pint of Guinness and a stack of paperwork. ( _All this done by tonight?_ ) ( _Tonight._ ) ( _So I won’t be seeing my home tonight then._ ) ( _Probably not, no._ )

Despite the distance between them, they still gel together as a team better than anyone would have thought and Eggsy finds himself in that same precarious position. He _wants_. Good God does he want. It gnaws at him every time he and Harry so much as share the same air and he wants to scream. He always wants what he can never have and Harry, Harry is so far off that list he might as well be in a different book.

( _I didn’t want it to be this way_.)

( _Neither did I._ )

Harry’s never more at peace than when Eggsy’s whispering in his ear. ( _Go left. You have 32 seconds to get in and out. Any longer and we’re both up shit creek._ ) Talking to each other is so much easier when there’s a continent between them and everything's on the line. Harry is never more at ease than when he has a bomb to diffuse or a hostage to save but put Eggsy right in front of him and he never knows the right words.

Not that Eggsy ever sticks around long enough to hear them.

( _What would you do if I told you I think I’m falling. It’s never been like this before_.)

Finally, it’s Harry who makes the push.

( _Have dinner with me. Nothing formal. We just haven’t really gotten the chance to talk_.)

Eggsy wants to flee, looks to Roxy for an exit but finds nothing.

( _Okay_.)

It’s awkward. Eggsy doesn’t want to talk and Harry’s never been good with words unless he’s chatting up a mark. He raises his hand to collect the bill.

( _This wasn’t how this was supposed to go_.)

( _Does anything ever?_ )

( _What does that even mean?_ )

( _I can’t do this, Harry. I can’t be your handler anymore. I’ll fill out the paperwork in the morning._ )

( _I don’t understand._ )

( _Well, it’s a good thing this isn’t about you, bruv_.)

Eggsy tells Merlin to switch him or he’s leaving. ( _You can’t make me torture myself. I don’t care how good the check is._ )

It’s with great reluctance that he finds himself looking after Tristan instead.

He’s a good agent, one of Eggsy’s own trainees but he’s still too wet behind the ears. Requires too much guidance. Eggsy’s not used to babysitting.

He's only slightly shocked when he hears that Harry’s gone through three handlers in under a month. He draws the line when news spreads that Harry’s gotten a gash in his arm that nearly nicked an artery, something entirely avoidable.

( _You’re going to get yourself killed_.)

( _I don’t believe that’s your problem anymore.)_

( _Oh fuck off._ _Just because we don’t get along doesn’t mean I want you to die. I already had to watch you get yourself killed once, Harry. That was enough for me._ )

Harry doesn’t crumble, resolves himself to keep his shoulders back and his head high. ( _And here I thought that didn't matter to you._ )

( _After everything I put myself through for you? I didn’t want to be an agent, Harry. I did that for you and I **failed**._ )

( _No. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known you. You could never be defined by some test. You showed how much of a Kingsman you were when you saved the world. No one’s done better. What I said, it was wrong._ )

( _It doesn’t matter. I still can’t be your handler. I’m too invested. You mean too much to me._ )

( _How much exactly?_ )

Eggsy finds out that Harry kisses like he kills: with both honed technique and impractical flourish. Either way, Harry’s kisses leave him feeling, warm, sated, and wanting more. He winds his fingers into the wool of Harry’s jacket and sighs. ( _Let me be yours?_ ) ( _I couldn’t imagine it any other way_ )

**Author's Note:**

> I'll admit I was very intimidated by this fic and I think it got the better of me. I hope it's not too disappointing.


End file.
